Rage of the Third Mother

I miss my children, and right now I’m hiding.
My family needs help. Alice’s parents have manipulated the court system- that was supposed to serve the people and protect the people- and used the court system to do what breaking the law couldn’t. Using the law, they have taken our children. We see our daughters distorted by lag and pixilation, their squeals are piercing white noise on our speakers. The image will freeze and they will cease to exist in our screen. We don’t see our sons at all. The ad litem will drop a hint or two about things the boys have expressed or communicated, and through this looking glass I don’t recognize them.
Due to a poor network connection, we were twenty minutes late for the daily, court appointed virtual rendezvous. Alice apologized to the Girls for her tardiness. Mother-in-law said she would grant us permission to have a full half hour video chat, and in the same breath requested that we move the scheduled time on Wednesday, since it was Ash Wednesday. Alice mentioned she preferred not to change the scheduled appointments, but understood that it was a religious holiday and would check the schedule. I stormed out in a rage.
Dear Monster-in-law. How dare you utilize our scheduled time with our children, which was ordered by the judge to be uninterrupted, to discuss scheduling. How dare you paint yourself as the hero to our children by permitting us a merciful half an hour, which again was granted by a judge, not yourself, when you are the one who has wrongfully sought custody of our children. And how dare you request to modify the court appointed schedule for the sake of your religion, the justification of your motive to take custody of your daughter’s children away from her. And you dare make villains of us in front of our children, for us to either inconvenience you (which you will use as an excuse to not allow us visitation on that day if we don’t meet your preferences because you take celebrating a holiday to be a higher priority than the law set for you) or to go against the court order set in place for the benefit of the children to maintain a relationship with their parents.
It has been more than a week since the incident and I am shaking with rage as I write this. I apologize to you, dear reader. I have withheld truth because I coward from it. I know not how I will function if I allow myself to consider how I’m doing. My method of coping is to not cope, but to distract myself, with anything and everything tangible. This is why I knit obsessively and clean mindlessly, and I tell myself that I am preparing our home for when the children come back, and that it will be soon. I found knitting needles in the thrift store for Gary, and yarn in his favorite color. I’m collecting empty milk jugs so he and his brother can make a raft and learn a lesson on buoyancy when they come back. I wish I could tell them that I miss them.


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