I lost motivation. I’d become thinned out so much just from work. The court case is far from over, but we can’t take a swing as fast as we’d like without money to push us forward. “What do you do outside of work?” Laundry and dishes. I wonder what I can do to rejuvenate me. What kind of things did I used to do for fun? Does it matter? Because all my free time goes into seeing how much I can unpack or whether I can make a dent in the chores.
During my breaks at work I would use my precious data to read the blogs of my followers from my phone. It’s been a pleasure reading your work, dear readers, and has helped me to get a little inspired again. Reminded that I’m a literature addict, I dug around for more. In Sublime Curiousity’s post How Many Novels Can There Be? I learned that there was a National Novel Writing Month.
WHY HAD NO ONE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE?!?!?!
There’s this terrible plot I came up with years ago when I was eating a homemade quesadilla I made at Anakin’s house and I looked outside at the gloomy weather. Let me tell you how naïve it is, I came up with this before I was in eighth grade, and I’m a sheltered child who didn’t know what she was thinking, but I wanted to be a child prodigy so I wrote it. As I raced my uncoordinated fingers over the keyboard, listening to the vintage radio built into the wall to songs like The Way I Are for motivation, I thought I was f***ing genius. And then I would put it down for two days, go back and think I was f***ing stupid for thinking I could pull this off.
On a side note, Anakin read the damn thing without asking me, rubbed it in my face, and ignored the fact that my protagonist was abused by his father. I had to vent, thanks for tolerating me. But now I probably have to change the title to make it harder for him to find me, I hadn’t considered that previously. Yes, I think he’s stalking me, he’s that creepy.
Now I think, “who cares how crummy the plot was? I have life experiences to beef it up and make it palatable, and no one knows how it used to ‘supposed to’ be. I can do what I want, change it dramatically, as long as I write over 50,000 words in a month!” Why I think I can manage this with two jobs and a kid during the month we have a baby due, I don’t know. But I feel moved to get more involved in writing, and especially sharing my writing, and this seems like a good stepping stone. The hardest part right now is not jumping in for another two and a half months.
I’m also using NaNoWriMo as a way to talk to Gwendolyn (our oldest) about writing, which is an interest we share. I told her about it, and I’m proud to say that I’m the first to introduce her to it, so I feel accomplished that words were shared between us for the first time. We were secretly avoiding each other to avoid the awkwardness that could arise. I haven’t warned her yet that I can be very awkward, I thought it might make things awkward if I did.
…I’ll stop talking now.