Paradise and Chess

The “monster in-laws”, as Danielle calls them, are at it again. They’re making another attempt to tear apart the charity. They managed to trigger a large split last year, thankfully we recovered since then, and because of it grew stronger. Now we find ourselves searching for the next move in this game of chess. It was mentioned that I had said under oath that Alice was not pregnant. I feel sick. I don’t want my words to be the obstacle in the way of regaining custody of our daughters. Because of the stress and sleep deprivation, I sincerely forgot, and remember thinking, “funny they’re not asking me about Bailey.” I know they will use this to trap me on the next round.

I hate this anxiety. I hate this fear. And I want my memory back as it was.

I want to dream, and feel like anything is possible. I want to go back to school, maybe enroll in that coding class downtown. I want the whole family to move north into a large house at the side of a lake, where we have a sailboat and a tree house and a massive garden of vegetables and flowers and herbs.

As it stands, I don’t even fully trust anyone anymore. I never truly trusted Taylor, but at the same time she became so close to my family and has caused so much harm for us that I don’t want to share anything because of the risks, but I’m human and need to be able to confide in others. This blog is an amazing outlet, but I know that someday, though I don’t know when, my haven will be intruded upon and will become part of the battleground. Even now I suspect that they have a hired investigator weeding through my posts for some ammunition. After all, they’ve already tried to have my trash admitted as evidence.

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