A Life of Honesty

Steve's courage

I climbed out of the yellow Volks Wagon beetle and gathered plastic straps in my hands. I could smell the smoke of mesquite wood, and Steve approached me and Daisy as we gathered the groceries, the dog leading the way. The smoke of cigarettes and of a campfire greeted us when he did. “I got something I want to tell you guys.”

Edward came shortly after and bellowed, “Are the boys here?” I looked around. I hadn’t seen them since I left. “You guys gotta hear this.”

“Yeah, you tell them,” Steve urged.

“Alice was going to look something up on Steve’s tablet, and she saw a” inappropriate image of a person of both genders. “And she was just like, ‘awe, Steve’.”

Daisy realized, “Is that what we heard over the phone?”

“Yeah,” Steve answered. “I realized that it was probably time to come out to you guys, because I want to be honest, and I don’t care anymore about what other people think. I’m bi.”

“Okay. Cool,” was my response.

Edward elaborated for me. “Man, we don’t care.” Steve elaborated a little, saying that he’d been hinting at it a few times with some things that he had said, like teaching Daisy how to tip a male stripper. I figured it was a joke and almost completely forgot he’d said that until he reminded me. I wonder if he was disappointed that we weren’t more excited for him, or relieved that our image of him didn’t change in the slightest. This got me to thinking of how our culture could be advancing in a way that accepts everyone, the way that everything is accepted by nature. Sure, flocks of birds will pick on the weakest link and even kill them off, and may even pick on them for the color of their feathers. But the coyotes don’t care which color of bird they get, as long as they can catch one.

“Did you want us to throw a coming out party?” I asked, half joking, half concerned we might be ignoring something he secretly wished for.

“Nah nah, that’s fine. I just feel better now that I’m not hiding it anymore.”

Name my Dog

What would you name my dog?

On the way home from work a year ago Bailey picked up a stray. We were intending to rehome her. She’s a medium-sized mutt that’s very good with children. When Grace was Guinevere’s age, she would follow her into whichever room Alice took Grace into, and if she wasn’t allowed in she would curl up right outside the door as if guarding Grace, and even let her pull on her large ears and cheeks.

She’s cream colored with white patches. She had more manners when we picked her up (she knew sit from the start) than she does now since the kids especially let her get away with things. Everyone that visits falls in love with her and offers to take her home, but for some reason we can’t seem to ‘get rid’ of her. We may or may not still be looking for a home for her, but she definitely will find her way into future posts. So…. what shall her name be? You get to pick!

Work Wife

Work Wife

It would be a while before Ed came to get me from work. I paced nonchalantly outside the door of the classroom. I searched the back of all the heads. Surely I can remember what the back of my wife’s head looks like. I think that was hers, in the front row. I wouldn’t take her as the kind of person to sit in the front row, but then I remembered that classroom settings put her to sleep. She’s probably combatting drowsiness. Her jacket looks kind of dull, she usually wears things that are vibrant and colorful. Then again, she has also been trying to give a more mature impression. I bet that’s her. I did not look ‘natural’ walking back and forth, poking my head in, in figuring this out. I slipped away hoping no one was watching me. If anyone did notice, I hope they assumed that I was trying to get the attention of someone I know, which would be the truth. I hoped the instructor didn’t notice me; I didn’t want to get Bailey in trouble during her first week of training. continue

Dream Walker

Blurry

Life is so surreal.

I think I’m still in shock. My dreams feel more realistic than reality at this point. Last night I inherited a mansion. That feels more real to me at this point than grocery shopping in the  evening. In the past few months we’ve had a baby, we’ve lost custody of another one of our children, we have two pregnancies, three if you count our friend Daisy (she feels like family), we’re moving, one of us quit a job and then was hired for another job, I’ve lost some ‘close’ relationships, and our calendars are infested with court dates and doctor’s appointments…

I feel numb. I forget my sentences as they escape my lips. I ended up throwing my fist down on the counter and slipping away after declaring “I can’t think!” midways through a justification that wasn’t even necessary. I’m tired but I can’t sleep. My thoughts are racing in place and just out of grasp.

Even now as I type I find myself losing my train of

Warriors of the Dark

The light of courage

My Girls didn’t used to be scared of the dark…

Visitation rights have been changed: we get visitation with the girls every other weekend, uninterrupted, and for six weeks in the summer, uninterrupted. It’s such a relief not to have to compromise every other evening to drive back and forth and deal with the in-laws for a few precious hours of chaos. I usually don’t get to see the girls at all because picking me up from work would be another trip back and forth within the two hour timeframe, so I spend a few hours at work after I’m off the clock reading or knitting (I found an amazing pattern for baby booties I’ll be pinning on Pinterest). Now we get to brush their teeth before bed and brush their hair in the morning. This is especially a relief to us because their grandparents don’t know how to properly take care of hair, and butcher Gloria’s bangs, which she didn’t even have before this ordeal started.

The first night back we watched “The Gruffalo” and “The Gruffalo’s Child” as a family and all the kids camped in the living room for the night.

Last night they girls were supposed to sleep in their room… continue

The Wounds of a Friend

Knives are tools.

Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me. –Psalm 41:9

Taylor came over to testify on our behalf, having known the family for a few years and working with kids at a daycare as well as with the same company that Edward and I work for. The first day she bought breakfast, saying, “I always say, ‘you can’t have a great day without a balanced breakfast’” like a mantra. She loved hanging out with us, taking the Ladies shopping at the thrift store, and waltzing into the bedroom without knocking (Bailey demanded that Edward be the one to draw the line for our privacy). Edward refers to her as his little sister. She has her quirks, like getting overwhelmed around a lot of people. She had an episode while I was on a walk, and when I got back Bailey filled me in, telling me that she and Edward got into a fight and she was talking about staying somewhere else during the trial. continue

Our Battle

Psalm 68.6

But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. -Job 23:10

He’s a father. He’s a husband. He’s a musician. He’s a contractor. He’s a foreman. He’s an attorney. He’s ambitious. He’s my husband. Disclaimer: He’s not my husband by law. We only have one marriage license among us, and to pursue more would be illegal. Being in a legal battle, we have to make sure that our words aren’t misconstrued. continue