We are not a Cult

We consider ourselves to be evenly yoked. This means that we have equal footing, as well as the same vision and close to the same idea about how to get there. We may look at it from different directions, but we work together to meet our goals.

We are not a cult.

Our country is in this beautiful place of change. I know that same-sex marriage will be legalized and I don’t doubt that it will be this year. In my world, homosexuality is as normal as socks. I was blind to the persecution that gays (and lesbians) endured until I myself became an outcast. I usually considered myself as sort of a loner, but that was because I didn’t relate and would rather be myself than be included.

I thought that would be acceptable.

I thought that I was acceptable.

After all, this is America, land of the free! And yet, “I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children” (Psalm 69:8).

I shared a post on my Facebook that I felt explained my relatively unique perspective of Christianity rather accurately, and thought, “For those who think they know me, they might understand me better if they read this.” It’s about ‘tearing down religion’ to build it back up, and explains how skeptics like Wiccans, Pagans, or Atheists can become some of the most faithful of Christians by unsuccessfully searching for flaws in it. My mother’s response to it? She posted this.

I don’t know if my mother has ever insulted me more than she did then. Maybe it’s because she hasn’t told me how she really feels to my face, hunkering in the shadows and forever fiddling with her tiny gold assumption. When I come across people I know through my mother, it’s very awkward. They ask me how it’s going and what I’ve been up to. I don’t know how to answer. Do I refer to my lovers as my spouses or my ‘roommates’? Has my mother gotten to them yet? Did she tell them I was brainwashed or that I made a stupid choice or did she call it a phase? I don’t even know what phases are like. Having been in this relationship going on 3 years I don’t have something to say about how I’m doing that doesn’t pertain to my family.

I’m tired of wondering what people think of me, people who think they know me. I’m tired of my mother slandering my and my husband’s and wives’ reputations. Yes, my wives’ as well, because that is what she does when she victimizes us. She should know I’m not weak, especially not my mind, and I am offended by how little my mother actually knows me. I wonder whether it may be time to come out publicly, beat my mom to telling those who don’t yet know about my relationship and possibly protect my reputation from being further soiled. I have some good friends that I’ve probably lost, but I can’t be sure because everyone’s too cowardly to come to my face about it. I love my good friend L for her support. She was skeptical when I first told her about it, and not openly so, and I love and respect her for it. She waited to meet my husband before cementing her opinions about him, making sure that I was safe and well treated. She hosted my baby shower and invited Edward, Alice, and Bailey, and watched how we interacted. She told me later how impressed she was about our relationship, how obvious it was how much Ed loved each of us, and how cute it was that we each had a relationship that was individual of the other and yet synchronous.

My mother was so wary of my husband’s intentions that she confided in my ‘adopted father’, who recommend that she tell my father (whom I will now call Anakin), because ‘after all, he is her father’. Between the three days of my mailing him a customized birthday card and his birthday, he showed up at my house and tried to force his way in. Ed said he looked like he was on crack. I don’t doubt it. My father came back to the house two times more, demanding that he see me and that he see the bedroom. Ed threatened to kill him for trespassing, standing between him and the kids, who were terrified. The third time Anakin came to the house, Ed was sitting on the porch with his ax, waiting for the cops, and Anakin cussed him out and came to my work place. I intentionally never told Anakin where I lived. I believe that he’s a pedophile, and I wanted to protect our many children, and so was furious with my mother. Our texts were curt that day as we scheduled a rendezvous to talk.

Outside of Starbucks, she asked me if I was polygamous. Yes, I said (this was before we found out there was a better word for it). I was a little surprised she knew what the word meant. “Are you going to have children with him?” she asked. I was honest. She used the word disgusting. I’d like to point out that I knew her to be cool with homosexuality, as long as there is no PDA, which is as much as she would want of a heterosexual couple. She told me why she got my father involved, I told her why I never wanted him involved. I was under the impression at the time that she hadn’t actually listened. However she went home and asked my sister about it, and my sister told her that he had molested her. They then went to confront him, and in front of them and his wife, he confessed.

Edward had introduced me to Star Wars last year before Disney bought it, and I related to Luke Skywalker, dreaming of being something greater and teetering between the light and dark sides. I felt that I would be justified in ‘joining the dark side’ because of the pain my father had put me through. I saw my father as a villain. I also knew that for my sake I had to forgive him, and that there could be some good in him. That’s why I’m calling him Anakin. But it’s also to avoid calling him father.

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