I get quite a few questions about our relationship once people get the courage to ask. I like questions. Who doesn’t want to talk about something they love? Feel free to post any unanswered questions you have in the comments or any that you would like elaborated upon, and I will likely answer them here or include them in the next Innocent Inquiries post.
How does it work?
This is the most frequently asked question, however it is so vague it takes the appearance of being many questions in one.
- How it works financially: three of us go out to work, two of us have 2+ jobs. The fourth one (Alice) stays home with the kids, homeschooling them, which saves on daycare. This is like having another income. We share a bank account, and because there are so many names Bailey’s is often hidden, which makes for some complications with the bank sometimes. For example, if we order checks, we have to make some serious editing for her name to show up. We each have bank cards, but we have to check with each other if we’re spending more than five dollars so we don’t accidentally overdraft because of lack of communication.
- How it works with the kids: we’re all on equal footing. Daddy has the ultimate say, but there’s few of those, and any of the Ladies can contest it. Otherwise, the ladies see more of the kids and have to communicate effectively with each other so that the kids don’t get conflicting instructions. The kids will also take advantage of having multiple parents with the classic “Daddy said no so I’m going to ask mommy.” Inconveniently they have 3 chances of it working.
- How date night works: we have a schedule, sort of. Our lives are too demanding to schedule events on a calendar that’s already full of doctors’ appointments, court hearings, and court appointed meet-ups to pick up the kids that are under temporary conservatorship of their grandparents. So by opportunity Ed will take each of us out in order. For some reason it’s harder to take me out so I’ve been skipped a few times, but I’m also better at getting over it and Ed makes up for it in other ways. The Ladies that do stay behind have a house date once the kids are in bed, watching a chick flick or sharing a bath, complete with chocolates and wine. When we can afford a babysitter and all of us are free, we all go out together. We have matching shirts that all light up to sound, but we have yet to have the chance to wear them. However, we did take advantage of our tax returns last week and went to the best restaurant in town. We don’t have the time to take a much earned vacation, so we figured we deserved a few hours and a nice meal. We’d also like to have the ability for the Ladies to each take the other out (I have some date ideas for each of them), but again we would have to wait to have the opportunity.
- Sex works basically the same way that dates work, for those of you who are curious (which I know is everyone reading this, you pervs).
Don’t you get jealous?
This is the second most asked question, usually by women or particularly skeptical men. The answer is no. We each feel so confident in our place in the family that we don’t feel that our positions are in jeopardy, which feeds insecurity. Edward also knows how to fulfill each of us in our unique ways. Alice likes structure and to communicate, and loves to be validated with words. Bailey feels fulfilled with physical affection, which ranges from cuddling to play fighting. I’m stimulated most mentally, and liken myself to John Watson and Ed to Sherlock. We’re very much like best friends, and sometimes (like last night over dinner) we marvel that we can feel like friends and still be comfortable having sex.
How does one join the relationship?
This isn’t like a social club, so I’m not sure why this question gets asked, but people are curious and I respect that, so I will answer honestly. In a relationship that doesn’t have the usual limits, one wonders ‘what is the limit?’ We’ve actually wondered about this ourselves. Alice loves women. She’s very picky, but she also believes in the more the merrier. Bailey switches between the mindset of, “I can’t adjust to having another woman” to “Well if she was like this and this and like this…” I can imagine being happy with another addition, and being in the position where I’m not the new one in the relationship, though I’d rather keep my ‘title’ of being the youngest. Edward is most intimidated with the prospect, since he would have to learn how to please yet another woman while making sure that no one feels neglected. He also feels the need to point out, “I am not looking for another woman!” If we considered adding someone to the relationship, it must be an unanimous vote. And it’s not going to be a male. I feel the need to point this out, because it has been asked. Some people assume that our husband is collecting women to spread his seed (actually these are my mother’s words), but the truth is that it is a shared preference. Again I want to emphasize that we consider ourselves evenly yoked, including in this matter. In regards to including another male in the relationship, I’ve actually had a manager volunteer, asking if there was ‘room for one more’. I was too shocked to say more than “Yuck, ewe, no.”